A couple of days ago I posted about my husband’s brain surgery where they removed a tumor that just “popped out!” The discovery of the tumor began a chain of events that can be labeled nothing short of miraculous!
But there’s more to the story, and of course, encouraging lessons as well.
Here’s the thing… after the amazing results of the surgery, and my husband’s fabulous recovery, my adrenaline was pumping! I was almost manic!
Flying high on the grace of God, I didn’t notice how tired I was… until a couple of days later. Surprising myself, I would cry at the drop of a hat. If a person said something hurtful, rather than blow it off as their opinion, I’d take it to heart and feel as if my innards were caving in. I found myself getting hyper-cynical, and not caring about anything, or seething in anger about something trivial.
I literally did not know what was happening to me. Didn’t we just have extraordinarily great news??
So, my now free and unfettered husband graciously reminded me that in less than 7 months –
- we moved across country,
- retrained our very loud, needy, and insistent outdoor cat to be an indoor cat,
- supported my hubby with a melanoma surgery
- 2 painful scorpion bites,
- 2 mysterious infections,
- pretty regular confusion and uncharacteristic insecurity,
- 2 pulmonary embolisms, also painful for which he had a lengthy hospital stay, with a decent amount of recovery time,
- and now – a brain tumor!
- Throw in there 2 emotionally charged family crises that needed my attention…
- all while coaching, speaking, marketing, and running this one man show of a business – that has been the sole support of this family.
Phew. I became even more tired listening to him recount it all!
But here’s the thing I really want to share…
… all of this caused me to lose perspective, get drained and distracted, and even feel abandoned by God. I confess, I became resentful as I moaned about being THE one to HAVE to financially support us.
Because resentment can be an insidious weed that chokes out any joy, I didn’t realize this was sucking positive energy from me!
Resentment blocks the flow of abundance.
It just does.
Besides steal your joy and robbing your energy reserves, resentment can block the flow of abundance. Yes, my husband couldn’t work with all that going on. Yes, mounting medical costs were taking up our reserves. Yes, it was understandable that I was distracted and couldn’t focus as much on my business.
But more than anything, I believe the greatest interference to our financial well being was resentment.
Have you ever felt resentful and didn’t address it right away?
I get it.
Well, one morning after a fitful night, God awoke me with these thoughts,
“Get back to love. Love is the answer and the only reason to keep on going.”
So I took a break and had a love massage from God. I luxuriated in His presence, reminding myself of all the miracles I have witnessed, all the blessings He had showered upon us. Just that alone provided a shift. But I kept going. All. Day. Long. It was transformative.
The next day I was led to focus on “God is with me.” I searched out the scriptures for all the stories and passages that evidenced the presence of God. With each one, my faith was supercharged.
So often we need to feel in our hearts the truth of what we already know, but don’t really feel. I poured over Genesis 31, the story of Jacob, and saw how often God with him prospered him, despite what his father-in-law did to him. I needed to not just know, but also feel, God was with me.
We need to FEEL and SEE, not just know, that God is with us.
The third thing I was led to do was stop the complaints in my heart. In Genesis, Jacob was cheated many times over, but God kept prospering him, and he never said, “What’s wrong with me? Why does this always happen to me? Where are you, God?!”
He did not add abandonment issues to his already heavy load.
So, what happened next?
The portal of love and provision opened magnificently.
While I was busy getting my heart healed, God was busy working in the hearts of others. Without our asking, two friends started gofundme accounts! Now at first, I admit, my pride was mortified. I was tempted to take the sites down. The thought of anyone pitying us was so hard to take!
But fortunately, I didn’t stay in that position for long, and once I accepted the gifts, I was overwhelmed with love. More love and more love!! Finances poured in with the most wonderful prayers and kind words. Other sources opened up, as well, showing us the truth – God takes pleasure in caring for His people.
And even more… my husband is feeling amazing! Like some oppression has been lifted off him. He is thinking and seeing clearly! His energy is restored. It’s like he came out from under some rock. Yes, there’s more to go – tests, treatments, etc… but we are enjoying being lavished in love today.
Maybe you are in a hard place, or are tired, or even discouraged. Maybe you think your efforts are for naught or you don’t know what to focus in on. Maybe circumstances have caused finances to be extra tight and you are wondering how is this going to happen. Maybe your heart hurts, too.
If so – do as I did. Stop and get refreshed.
Return to Love.
Let yourself luxuriate in the arms of God. Focus on how He really is with you. Everything will look clearer. God never sleeps. He desires to heal your heart, your relationships, and your bank account.
He always has YOU on His mind.
I’d love to read your comments!